Hand over heart
by khughes830
Summary: Just a little PS to the end of Know It All. Cause Benson at the end, with her hand over her heart... come on! 4/9: So it's no longer a one shot. No good comes from googling Raul Esparza. None. Now I'm writing my first chapter story in MANY year. 4/16: Rating bumped up to T for now. Probably gets upped one more time before I'm done.
1. Chapter 1

Hand over heart. It's how she found herself sitting most of day. Thru dinner with Noah. TV time. Reading. Sitting in her chair looking out her window, glancing at her phone over and over again. Just waiting. Waiting. And unsure of what outcome she wanted.

A part of her heart (and brain... a large part) wanted his meeting to go south. For him to show up at her door in jeans and t-shirt (did he own that stuff?) and tell her he was fired. And she knew. She knew if he said those words she would grab him and kiss him and drag him into her apartment and keep him there. Keep him in her bed. Have him eat breakfast with her and Noah. She was already working up the phone call to Finn in her head of why she wouldn't be in. She pictured them dropping Noah at day care and then coming right back here to learn about every aspect of each other. With her hand over her heart, she pictured a long beach vacation in some exotic locale, just so she could listen to him speak in Spanish, which drove her crazy the few times she had heard him speak it. She closed her eyes, hand over her heart, as she could vividly see them lounging in a cabana as Noah plays in the sand. She could almost feel the sand under her feet as they walked hand in hand with Noah running in the waves in front of them. She would swear that his hands were on her hips as she pictured them dancing to some soft salsa music on the veranda of their villa, pressed as closely as they could be without being inside of each other. This could be moment, the moment that spurs her to retire. To finally take her time to just be. She always knew it would take the right person, the one who could give her a reason to find out about life beyond SVU.

She opened her eyes, looking out onto the city, hand still over her heart. She had done the job without him. But could she continue to do it now that he had been there? There were days that working with him kept her going. Cases that wanted to break her in half until she looked into his eyes and felt her fight come back. She knew that SVU would survive without her. Could she survive without SVU? And could she survive going in tomorrow if he wasn't there, having her back?

She only allowed herself to do this in the privacy of her home. Letting this out... while they still had a fight to fight, then it had to stay in her heart and her in head. But if the DA took the decision out of her hands, could she? Would he even want to?

Her phone rang. She looked over and took a breath.. "Barba. Hey." She said, trying to not give herself away.


	2. Chapter 2

So what happens is you post what you think is a one shot. Then you fire up Tumblr for the first time in a LONG time. Then you jumped head first into Barson. Which leads to Raul Esparza. Which leads to images of Raul Esparza. Which leads to inspiration for more than just a one shot. This is all YOUR fault.

* * *

"His meeting is running a little long. Can I get you anything?" she said with a sympathetic smile. He just shook his head and took the chair the furthest away from her and his office. All he could do is sit. And think.

That look. That last look. Why did he turn back? He knew it would ruin him and it did. Her hand over her heart. So many messages and meanings.

Leaning back and taking a cleansing breath, he closed his eyes. What would happen if this meeting went south? He would go to her. Either way he will go to her. He always does. But if he loses this job, then what? Part of him, the part that he always shoved way down, knew that he would grab her and kiss her for all he was worth. Would she respond? Who knew. But what if she did? What if she allowed him to spend the night? Allowed him to be there in the morning to see what she and Noah did first thing? He would ask her to go away with him. Both of them. Some place with sun and beach and sand. Some place with amazing tamales and music. Some place where they could just be. No pressure. Just them. How would that work? He smiled to himself, knowing he, for the first time in his life, could not answer that question. How would that work? He could see them as clear as day - her lounging with him in a cabana as Noah threw sand around. Intertwining their fingers for a late day walk down the beach. Drinking amazing wine while Noah slept, listening to the waves in the dark. Slow dancing. He could feel it. He could describe what she would feel and taste like, when he would finally kiss her.

But this job. What they did. They spoke for those no one else would speak for. No one else could speak for. They fought the fight very few people cared to fight. She had done the job without him. What made him think she would give it all up because he made a mistake a long time ago. Even on the cases not assigned to him, she would still call him. Ask his opinion. How to fight a fight she felt was necessary. There were days he knew they kept each other going. There were days he would hear her voice on the other end of the line and find the strength to keep trying, when all he wanted to do was take the easy way out. Not that she believed in ease. She instilled that in him.

"Mr. Barba?" He opened his eyes to see the DA's secretary looking at him. "He's ready for you now."

* * *

Hours later, he is walking. That talk with the DA - it was what he expected and nothing at all what he expected. He walked to gather his thoughts. To find his words. He stopped short in front of his destination and pulled out his phone. He hit her contact (#2 in his saved contacts, only his mother ranked higher) and waited for her familiar "Barba, hey".

"Buzz me up. I'm outside."


	3. Chapter 3

In the span of 4 days, I have officially become Barson trash...

* * *

Pretty much always in sync, she threw open the door as he stepped off the elevator. All she could do is look at him. No t-shirt and jeans (wishful thinking on her part) but his tie was loosened and askew. His hair seemed a touch wind blown. And he looked exhausted.

He gave her a slight smile as she took a step back so he could enter her apartment. Like a million times before, he threw his jacket across a chair and crossed the room and sat down on the end of the couch. This was just the first time she realized it MEANT something. He leaned back and closed his eyes for a moment and all she could do is stare at him. She had no words. For the first time since she met him 5 years ago, she had no words.

"Drink?" was all she was able to spit out. He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Coffee. Williams has the cheap scotch in his office."

Williams. She shook her head as she made the coffee. Her least favorite ADA, but the one he seemed to develop almost a friendship with during his time in the office.

She handed him the mug and sat down opposite him. Waiting. Still no words. She could only imagine what anyone like Elliott or Alex or Nick or Cragen or Tucker would have to say about that. Her having no words because of this man sitting in front of her.

"Barba..." she started and he just held up his hand. He took a long drink of his coffee and sat it down. She did the same and turned toward him.

"Well, I'm not officially fired. But the DA did grant me 4 weeks forced vacation. He is at least going to pay me for the duration." She felt a tightness in her chest loosen. She didn't even realize it had been there.

"So you..."

"Not quite. He said he needed some time to think. And that I needed some space too. Hence the 4 weeks off."

"Space for what?"

He looked at her. Really looked at her. He so rarely did that and it was usually after a very stressful case and long days and they were in one of their offices late at night, lights dimmed. To have him do it here, in the full light of her apartment. Well, she felt that tightness start to come back.

"He thinks that... him and I talked about... he questioned..." Barba just shook his head and sighed. She watched him struggle with the words. Something she didn't know was possible with him. No words. How many people would be laughing about this right now, watching the two of them struggle to put thoughts into words.

"Raf..."

"You know what? Later. We can do that later. Anyway, so after I got out of the DA, I went back to my office to get some stuff and Williams was there waiting and he offered that cheap ass scotch and we drank for a bit. He asked what I was going to do for 4 weeks and when I said I had no clue, he offered me their old family house in the Keys. He said it's nothing special and that his family rarely uses it anymore, but there are 3 bedrooms and it faces the beach and there is amazing Cubano food all over the place so I took him up on it. He said they will have it ready for me when I get there tomorrow."

It's like someone had gut punched her. 4 weeks of him in Florida and her here, with no reason to speak. And he was leaving tomorrow. It hurt. A lot. She didn't even realize what she was doing until she had her calendar up in front of her face.

"Noah starts spring break a week from tomorrow. The daycare and preschool are closed and I was just going to take the time off and stay here but... unless you would rather..."

"Yes." And that's all. They smiled at each other and left it at that. She knew there was more but that was for a later date. It would happen for sure, but not now. For now they just nodded at each other, and sat in a comfortable silence, drinking their coffee.


	4. Chapter 4

A couple of notes. The first is that I don't know squat about the Keys. Everything I have learned about the Keys, I have learned from watching Bloodline. There was a time in my life I would have googled and researched, but I just don't care. You all aren't here for the geographic lesson about the Florida Keys, you are here for the Barson. Secondly, I did actually look up who the current DA is supposed to be in this world. The last DA even listed on anything is Jack McCoy. So when writing the DA flashbacks, his was the voice I heard in my head. It could also be Mike Cutter. Either one will work. I always kind of like Mike Cutter. But I opted for a nameless DA. Just know that Sam Waterson is who I hear when I read this stuff back to myself. Third, I am starting to evolve from Barson trash to a mashup of Barson/Raul Esparza trash. I may have rewatched Twenty Five Acts and December Solstice today.

* * *

He took a deep sigh and laid his book down, staring out over the ocean. He looked over at his phone, but for what. The DA had all but demanded that he turn off his email over the next 4 weeks, or Barba would make the decision for him.

 _"You need a break. You have been running at 100 miles per hour every day since you walked in here and while I appreciate the effort, you are sacrificing your life."_

He went to pull on his running shoes. At least there some benefit from 4 weeks off - he could get his running game back in gear. He was one of the few that could run and use nature as his soundtrack. Until now. Now he wished he had a huge playlist on his phone to help drown out the thoughts and that conversation.

 _"Rafael, it's like there is a force that drives you in this job, especially with the SVU cases, that you didn't have when you walked in here. I always wondered why the planets had aligned and what force pushed you through my doors and why you felt such a pull the SVU cases. Have you ever thought about that?"_

He had always avoided thinking about that, but now with nothing else to focus on but the stretch of beach and the waves, it was all he could think about. Since the Cain case, when he turned to look at her after the verdict was read, he had always made sure that he threw all he had (a bit more) into these cases. The Cain case - taking someone who thinks they were bulletproof and showing them that they aren't above the law - well, that was the reason he used every time someone questioned why he still fought these cases, why he hadn't moved on, run for office, climbed the political ladder in NYC. And everyone understood and looked at him like he was some kind of big damn hero. Except one.

 _"I know, I know. The Cain case. You bright, shining moment in a time when everyone else around here was hiding under their desks. And it's a good and valid reason. But are you honestly going to sit there and tell me that that case, this one case, is why you fight so hard and go well above and beyond anything I would even do for these cases? Barba, please. Please. I don't even care if you are honest with me. You need to be honest with yourself at the very least."_

He stopped running and bent over, hands on his knees. His response to the DA at that that point was just a quiet "yeah". He knew he was good for the most part, but his boss had been around for so long and had seen so much... he just shook his head and headed back to the house. He had three more days. Three days till that that plane landed and he knew as soon as they walked through security, his time of deflecting and hiding behind cases and witnesses were over. There was NO reason for this trip, other than it is something they both wanted. Maybe even needed. Three days. That's all he had left.


	5. Chapter 5

So I'm basically going to treat Noah as a 3 and a half year old, which is how old my daughter is. Write what you know. I figure that should be pretty close.

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached our cruising altitude of..." Olivia tuned that out as she got Noah settled with his Kindle. Once he was fully ensconced in his third viewing of Moana, she sat back and let out the breath she had been holding since they got up this morning.

There had been so much to concentrate on that she was able to ignore.. the rest. Until now. No more worrying about tickets and connections. All there was to think about was landing the Keys. And Barba. In the Keys. Where she was headed.

There was NO good reason for her to be making the trip. None. She had run out of all the excuses in the world that would have even somewhat justified this trip. Even using Noah's spring break was a weak one, especially when she said that they weren't going to Disney, but to the Keys. But not once did the thought of canceling cross her mind. Not once. She had been able to keep it on the down low for the most part.

 _"So the Keys?"  
"Please don't start Fin."  
"Liv, I'm not. I..."  
"Look, I don't need to explain anything to anyone."  
"Hell no you don't. You have had a shit year. The townhouse and Dodds and Tucker... you more than anyone deserves a good... trip." She glared at that shit eating grin on his face. "All I wanted to say was have a great time and turn off your damn email. I'll handle whatever comes up and call you if I can't. Plus, at least then I know I'll get two opinions for the price of one phone call". He ran before she could throw her stapler at him._

She looked over at Noah who was fully immersed in his movie. She was always worried about having Noah around Tucker, who never really minded him at all. But Noah had never connected with Ed. He was always polite. Kind. But no more. Granted, it's not like he had spent a ton of time with Barba, but it had never crossed her mind that the two would struggle. There is just something telling her that they will be ok together. More than ok together.

Barba. What was this week going to bring? They had 5 and a half days. She had no idea what they would even do. How they would be. What she did know with every fiber of her being, that this is where she is meant to be for the next 5 days. Here. With him. With no more excuses and reasons to be together other than to just be together. No cases. No witnesses or defense attorneys or reporters. Just them. Barba and Benson. Raphael and Olivia. She sighed and closed her eyes. One could only imagine.

* * *

She came thru security holding Noah's hand and hiking her bag up on her shoulder. She saw him before he saw them, so she stopped short and almost forgot to breathe for a minute. Gone was the polished ADA that she dealt with day in and day out. Standing there looking at the arrival board was this man, with a few days worth of stubble and wind blown hair (no product), linen shorts and a t-shirt. She watched him shove his aviator glasses up on his head as he read the board and quickly turned toward security. She smiled brightly at him as he held up his hand and waved, giving them the same kind of smile she knew she had plastered on her face.

* * *

"Stupid traffic" he muttered to himself as he looked across the arrival board. He wanted to be here with plenty of time to spare, not rushing in at the last minute. When he saw that the plane had arrived 15 minutes earlier, he spun toward the gate and stopped short, smiling at her and giving her a slight wave. Gone were the tough suits and stern looks. She was here, looking breezy and, might he say, relaxed. He wound his way through the people to where she was standing.

"I'm sorry. The traffic was insane getting out here and I haven't driven a lot since I got here so.."

* * *

She could only laugh and smile more than she thought was possible as he started rambling about the traffic and the morons on the highway and the car he wasn't familiar with. She dropped her bag at her feet and grabbed his arm to still him. "Hey." He took a step into her. "Just say hi and how was the flight and where can we get your bags?"

He took a deep breath and shook his head. Here only 60 seconds and she's already guiding him back from the crazy lane.

"How was your flight?"

"Fine."

"Did they say where to get your luggage?"

"Claim 3."

"Hungry?"

"Starving."

They had slowly stepped into each other as the conversation had progressed. They paused and just looked at each other, for the first time since that night in her apartment. The look she saw in his eyes was new. Intriguing.

"Momma, I need to potty." Ah, the musings of a 3 and a half year old. They laughed and took a small step back from each other.

"Hey Noah" he said, kneeling down to her son.

"Hey Mr. Raf. You carry my kindle" he said, handing the man his tablet and headphones.

"NOAH!" She just shook her head.

"Liv, it's fine. No problem, little man. How about your mommy takes you to the bathroom and I'll get your bags. There should be food waiting for us at the house and if we hurry, we can play on the beach for a little bit before it gets dark."

"Yes. I want sand." He just smiled at Barba. Liv relaxed. Noah wasn't even breaking a sweat, which is more than she could say for herself, finding herself in this situation with this man who had been a huge part of her world for the last 5 years, but never in a way they were about to find themselves in. He stood up and was a breath away from her. He turned toward her and she felt him squeeze her hand. "I'll meet you at the baggage carousel." All she could do was nodded and smile and watch him take off, which almost a pep in his step. "It's going to be a hell of a week" she muttered to herself as she navigated toward the bathrooms with Noah.


	6. Chapter 6

She smiled as she watched the two of them run back and forth in the waves. The light was starting to fade, so she knew they didn't have much longer and Noah was exhausted - there had been no nap today because of all the excitement, starting in the parking garage at the airport.

 _"That's YOUR car?!" Noah screamed in excitement._  
 _Barba just laughed. "Well, it's the one I get to borrow while I'm here."_  
 _"A Jeep?" she asked, leaning against the car as he loaded up their bags next to what to be a brand new booster seat for Noah._  
 _"Well, when in the Keys..." he said, looking back at her. "You gonna load him up or you gonna make me guess?"_  
 _She shook her head and got Noah situated in the seat. He was so excited by the car and the open air she wasn't sure she would ever get him strapped in right. She laughed as she pulled a lone tag off the inside of the seat. She climbed into the passenger seat as he climbed into the driver. He turned toward her and she held up the tag._  
 _"New car set?" she said, waving the tag at him._  
 _He smiled slightly and leaned over, weaving his arm between her arm and her waist. She held her breath as she felt a slight pull on her sweater. "New outfit?" he asked, pulling back just enough for her to see one of those blasted size stickers that she always missed on new clothes._  
 _"Well, I may have been lacking in the beachwear department before yesterday." He waggled his eyes at her and slipped his glasses back onto his face as he started the car._

She just watched him move back and forth with ease through the surf. He was obviously acclimating well to the Florida environment, with his skin being much tanner than the last time she saw him. He also had this ease to him, an ease she wasn't sure she had ever seen before. All she did was watch him as they drove away from the airport and toward the house. He was smiling and calm and a version of Raphael Barba that she didn't even know existed.

She glanced back toward the house. While it may not be the huge mansions that dotted the island on their drive in, it was homey and quaint and the perfect spot for them to figure out what was happening. Plus, what he had done to make it feel like home for Noah...

 _A young woman was exiting the house as they pulled up. She stopped and waved. He leaned into her. "That's Ella. She helps the Williams' keep this place up. She's been really helpful and... well, you will see." Olivia turned to extract Noah from the car seat as he emptied their bags._  
 _"Evening Mr. Barba."_  
 _"Ella for the hundredth time, I'm begging you to call me Raphael." She just waved him off and smiled._  
 _"Ella, this is Olivia and Noah." Olivia shook her hand and watched her lean down to her son._  
 _"Noah, I hope you don't mind but I got you some stuff I'm hoping you might like. Wanna see?"_  
 _Noah barely gave his mom a second glance as he grabbed the young woman's hand and went into the house._  
 _"She's great. She helped me navigate around and find all the stuff I wanted and needed."_  
 _Olivia turned to him and placed her arm on his shoulder and leaned in slightly as he wrapped his arm around her waist with the lightest of touches._  
 _"Williams really hooked you up with this place" she replied, slipping her glasses up her face and then doing the same with his. With the sound of the ocean and the birds in the background, she felt him tighten his arm around her waist in a way that she stepped into him further. He smiled at her and was about to open his mouth when..._  
 _"MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM YOU GOTTA COME NOW!" She looked over to see her son jumping up and down on the porch with Ella laughing behind him. She felt him start to laugh as he dropped his arm from around her._  
 _"Ella really did a great job when I asked her to get some stuff for him. I guess he's a fan. Go look. I'll get the bags and meet you two inside."_

"So Paw Patrol is a thing?" he asked as he slid behind her on the lounger she was sitting on the end of.

"With a certain section of preschool boys, Paw Patrol is the greatest thing in life. You and Ella really won him over this afternoon. That and the homemade tamales..."

"That was all me" he said with a certain amount of pride in his voice.

"Really?"

"Liv, you don't grow up with Lucia Barba and not learn a thing or two about tamales". It was like she was meeting him all over again.

She looked back to see Noah throwing some broken shells in the water. "I told him he only had a few more minutes before we had to go inside" he said quietly. She let go of the breath she was hold and leaned back into him, resting the back of her head on his shoulder. She felt their breath immediately come into sync. They sat there watching Noah scream at the shells as he threw them into the water.

She rolled her head over and looked up at him. The windblown hair and the sun kissed face and the smell of salt rolling off of him. "Rafael..."

"Not yet" he replied, looking down at her. "I know that we need to... but not yet. Let's just sit here and watch him play for a little bit longer before we have to call it a night. Let's get settled. Acclimated. Comfortable. Not yet Liv." She just nodded her head and turned back to Noah.

"But just know that I am so glad you two are here this week" he whispered in her ear. That act sent a slight shiver down her spine that she knew she couldn't hide from him. Who cares? She didn't want to. Not anymore. He dropped a light kiss on her cheek and wrapped an arm around her lightly. They sat that way till it became too dark to see Noah. Her heart warmed as she watched him scoop up her son like it was second nature and grab her with his free arm, walking them all into the house as one unit.


	7. Chapter 7

The quiet click of the door woke her all the way up. She rubbed her eyes and padded over the window in time to see him stretch and take off running down the beach. She looked at the clock in her room - 7:15 am. She can't remember the last time she didn't see the sun come up. "Coffee" she muttered to herself. It took her forever to fall asleep after they put Noah down. Her and Barba had just sat next each other on an oversized lounger looking at the dark ocean, drinking some amazing Cuban beer, just being. But there was a tension there - not a bad tension at all, but one that left her frustrated when he dropped a light kiss on her head and said good night. "Yes, coffee." She peaked in the room across the hall and saw Noah still asleep, dead to the world. She glanced quickly into the smallest room at the end of the hall and smiled. Organized. Clean. With a light scent of Rafael Barba. "So much coffee" she muttered as she walked into the bathroom.

* * *

She was mixing creamer in to her cup when she heard the door open. "Good run?" she asked turning around and when she did, she definitely lost her breath. There he stood, shirtless, sweaty and... well, just "damn" she hoped she only said in her head and not out loud.

"Perfect morning for a run. Is that coffee?"

She could only nod her head like a mute teenager as he invaded her personal space to make his coffee. She just watched him move about the small kitchen. He took a sip from his cup and smiled at her. Him just in his shoes and her barefoot, they were the same height. He leaned his hip on the counter and smirked at her. She wanted to slap him and kiss him at the same and if she was being honest, this was far from the first time she felt this way.

"Shower" he said over his cup.

"Yeah" she breathed out and froze. He shot her a look and opened his mouth when she felt a presence behind her.

"Mommy, I want pancakes." They both turned and looked at Noah standing there, oblivious to what was happening between the adults.

He laughed and dropped his cup in the sink, taking his opportunity to run his fingers down her arm. "You heard the man. I'm going to grab a shower and then you know what today is?"

"BEACH DAY!" Noah screamed at the top of his lungs, holding his hand up for a high fave. Barba quickly returned the five and took off.

"What the hell?" she muttered to herself as she got into the freezer for some pancakes.

* * *

She was trying to kill him. Slowly. One movement at a time. Since that whole "shower" incident (and his lukewarm shower to help him focus), something had immediately ratcheted up between them. They were rarely out of each other's reach, even though they weren't touching. He wasn't sure he could, not after the lotion incident.

 _"Get my back."_  
 _"She has GOT to be kidding me" he thought to himself as she handed him the bottle over her shoulder. He found himself counting in Spanish in his head as he rubbed the lotion onto her back._  
 _"Thanks" she threw over her shoulder as she chased Noah out into the surf._

He sat there behind his glasses watching her move around, playing with Noah. But as the day wore on, the little boy became grouchy and tired and grumpy. Every time Olivia mentioned a nap, he screamed. Finally, he got up, threw on his shirt and scooped up the little boy in his arms and headed toward the house, fit be damned.

"I'll be right behind you!" she yelled grabbing his shoes and her coverup.

He got into the house and walked back to the bedroom with Noah. The boy was screaming and crying but was limp against his shoulder. Exhaustion was starting to win out.

He sat down on the bed and rocked slightly, singing a song he hadn't thought about in a long time

* * *

She froze. Not only had Noah stopped crying, which was a feat when he got this far past tired, but she heard him singing... was that Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star in Spanish? She was done. Done. Because it was and she was done.

She watched him lay Noah down in bed as he finally gave into sleep and slowly back out of the room. He shut the door and turned toward her.

"So it would seem..."

Her brain stopped working as she took three steps forward and grabbed his face and kissed him with everything she had. She ran her hands down to his shoulders as he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, responding enthusiastically. She felt him step her backwards until her back hit the wall and they stayed like that till they had to come up for air. She finally pulled back and looked him in the eye.

"Sorry". What the... Her eyes grew wide when she realized what she had said.

"Are you?" he asked, cocking on eyebrow at her slightly.

"Not in the slightest."

"Good. You want some lunch? Ella left some roasted turkey and bread for sandwiches when I told her today was going to be beach day." She nodded and he grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the kitchen.


	8. Chapter 8

He grabbed his shoes and headed out the back door for his regular morning run. He glanced at the window to her room and sighed. After that kiss, he was glad he had talked himself through how he wanted this week to go. He wanted to do this right. He wanted to do right by her and by that little boy. Noah is her world. He had to respect that and respect her. So he kept as much of a distance as he could (which wasn't much considering how they just gravitated toward each other), to keep these few days they had together on the path that he had plotted out before she had arrived.

 _"Penny for your thoughts?"_  
 _"Ella" he said with a start, sitting up out of the chair on the deck. "I didn't even hear you come in."_  
 _"Can I help you with anything Mr. Barba?"_  
 _"Ella, please. Rafael."_  
 _She just smiled. "Sure. What's going on?"_  
 _He sat up and looked at her. Williams had told him she was reliable, helpful, and like family to him._  
 _"I'm having visitors."_  
 _"Oh good! I really was hoping you didn't spend the whole month here alone. What can I..." She trailed off._  
 _Then it was like a lightbulb went off. "Ohhhhh... is she..."_  
 _"They."_  
 _"They?"_  
 _"Yes. They. Olivia and Noah. They are coming to visit over his spring break and I..."_  
 _"Have you been together long?"_  
 _"Oh, that's the rub right there. We aren't. We are close. Very close. I trust her more than anyone else, except my mother. She's smart and special and dedicated and beautiful and I just..."_  
 _"I see Mr. Barba. How can I help?"_

Ella had helped him come up with a game plan but that plan didn't include Olivia kissing him like he had never been kissed before yesterday afternoon. It had taken all his self control to not give in. But he wanted to do this right. That's what she deserved.

* * *

"Everyone set?" The plan had been to start with sight seeing. That's all he would tell her. He had had this cryptic smile on his face since he got back from his run. Like there was a plan she wasn't privy to. Usually she had no problem getting him to let her in on his plans, but he was so different here.

They drove all morning, seeing different parts of the keys, stopping for pictures and to just look. They pulled over next to a small ice cream shop when Barba had yelled "ICE CREAM FOR LUNCH!" She was outmanned when Noah started chanting ice cream and Barba just smiled at her. They were sitting at a small table while he ordered at the window.

"Mom."

"Yeah baby."

"Mr. Raf is fun. We should see him all the time."

"Yeah? You want that?"

"Yeah! Don't you?"

Children. Some of the most honest and simple thoughts that make life seem so easy come from children, especially from her son. Barba came back with three shakes and sat down next to her, across from Noah.

"Noah, you want to tell Mr. Raf what you just told me?"

"I like Maui better than Kristoff" he said very matter of fact as he shoved the straw in his mouth. Barba just looked at her. She could only shake her head and shrug her shoulders.

* * *

"And this is where you get out. Boys only from here on out."

She looked over her shoulder at the building they had stopped in front of. She looked back at him. "What?"

"Yeah. This is your stop."

"Uh... this is a spa."

"I know."

"What?"

"Ella is babysitting Noah tonight. We are going out. Thought you might enjoy a couple of hours getting pampered while I ran this kid ragged."

"Raf..."

"Olivia." That tone. She knew that tone. She had heard it more times than she could count over drinks when he had an idea in his head that she could not talk him out of. When he was determined and had a plan... but this time she was the plan.

"I didn't bring anything."

He smiled "Taken care of. Now go or you are going to be late. Noah and I have very manly things to do for the next two hours."

"Yeah mom!" She looked back at her son. _Traitor_ , she thought to herself.

She jumped out of the car. "Call me when you are done" he said as she watched them pull away.

* * *

Well she couldn't argue with his plan. After a very long overdue massage and facial, she kind of felt like a brand new girl. She pulled out her phone and hit his contact.

"Well?"

"Not going to lie. That was one of the most enjoyable things I have done in a long time. Ella sent you in the right direction." He just laughed and she sighed. That laugh. She could count on one had the number of times she heard him laugh like that.

"There's a bit of traffic. Give me like 20 minutes." She looked into the window of the small boutique next to the spa. She knew exactly how she would kill her time. "No problem. I'll see you when you get here."

* * *

"Liv?" he said through the door as he knocked lightly. "You almost ready?"

He had been pacing for the last 15 minutes. Thank God Ella was early. She was keeping Noah distracted. He couldn't remember when the last time was he was honest to God nervous about... well, anything. He always knew how his plans were to go. He could see all the steps. All the moves. And up until this moment, he knew what the plan was. But that had all gone out the window when she had stepped back into the jeep looking refreshed and relaxed, with a small bag that had the logo of a store next to the spa he had dropped her off at. Olivia was his X factor. She always had been. Even during cases when they would battle, he could guess how she would respond, but she could also take him by surprise. But this was no case. The only thing to be won or lost would be them. He walked over the windows and stared at the ocean. This night, this was for all the marbles. He knew it. Whatever this was had to take root tonight or he feared when they both got back to the hustle and bustle of New York and their jobs and the demands of their lives, well he knew they may never have this shot again.

"Mommy look like princess!" he heard Noah say. He turned and could barely breathe. There she stood in what had to be a new dress from the store from earlier today. Looking tanned and relaxed in the light yellow sundress, smiling back at him. He had a feeling tonight was going to be one hell of a night.

He walked over to her and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. "Yes, Noah, she absolutely does. You ready?" he asked, extending him arm to her. She wrapped her arm around his and glanced back over her shoulder at her son and Ella. "Noah, you be good for Ella tonight."

"Ok mommy. You be good from Mr. Raf."

She looked at her date square in the eye. "If he's lucky" she said quietly so that only he could hear as they headed out the door.


	9. Chapter 9

From the moment they got in their Uber, she could tell that something had shifted, that this night was going to be different. "Duh" she thought to herself. They were here, in the Keys, together. No Chinese take out or late night burgers or drinks in one of their dark offices. She looked over at him as they drove to wherever they were going. He seemed at ease. Relaxed. Like whatever decision he had made had taken the weight of the world off his shoulders. While she sat here like a nervous school girl on a date with the most popular guy in school.

He helped her out of the car and looped his arm around her waist, guiding her into this beautiful restaurant with one of the most amazing views she had ever seen. They were seated and given menus and finally had a moment alone. She kept glancing at him over the top of her menu, like she had never been out to dinner with a man before. She was about to open her mouth when...

"You need something Olivia?" he asked, not taking his eyes off his menu. She narrowed her eyes at him, deciding in that moment that two could play whatever game he was way ahead of her in. She leaned back in her chair and made a production of crossing her legs toward him while reading her menu. "Nope. I'm so good." He was more than a little obvious as he ran his eyes up her legs to her smirking face.

* * *

The sun was starting to set as they were delivered their drinks. They had been sitting in a comfortable silence, enjoying the view. "If I haven't said it recently, Liv, I'm so thankful you and Noah decided to come spend his break down here." He said it without looking at her. She didn't push it. She felt like he needed to say whatever he was going to say without looking at her and she was fine with that. "I've never been one who finds quiet relaxing. It kind of stresses me out. So the first few days here with the quiet and... well, it was a little unnerving. Ella really helped me out after the first couple of days and then you two got here..." he looked over at her, covering her hand with his. "Well, I just... just know that you being here, taking some of your limited one on one time with Noah and coming down here with me... it means a lot to me."

She covered his hand with her other one. "Rafael, I couldn't imagine a better place to have spent this time with Noah. He's had so much fun this week. Plus, how he has just taken to you... and that you have let him... that means so much. He told me at the ice cream place today that we should see you more because you are so much fun."

"He did."

"Yeah. Then he asked me if I wanted you to be around more."

"How did you answer?"

"He didn't give me a chance. He's three. We immediately switched gears to talking about Moana." She could tell the question was behind his eyes, right there on his tongue, but he stopped himself from asking.

* * *

They had dined together, sure. Hundreds to times. Out and about. On the steps of the courthouse. His office. Her office. A few times in an interview room when they needed some quiet on a particularly noisy night in the precinct. But none of those dinners had ever had the ease of this one. Those dinners has an air of stress and urgency. They were always in a hurry to move on to the next thing. This dinner. This was different. They had no next. Olivia had called to check on Noah between salad and main course and he was fine. There was no one waiting on the other side of a door to get to them. There was no one within 500 miles to even care about who they were. They drank and laughed and talked about nothing and it was one of the most enjoyable nights of his life.

After the check had been paid and they had exited the main dining area, neither one of them seemed to be in a rush to go anywhere but where they currently were. Without a word, he grabbed her hand and headed out to the small stretch of beach in front of the restaurant. They headed away from the noise and just walked, hand in hand, just being. She closed her eyes for a moment before she stopped short, causing him to jerk back a step and turn toward her.

"Raf..."

"I know."

"We have to..."

"I know Liv. I do. I know. You have had this question and these thoughts there since you stepped off the plane and I've been diverting and deflecting. I know. But I knew that this" he said as he waved his free hand between them "is not something I wanted to rush during Noah's nap or on the beach. I wanted us to have no limits. It's why I asked Ella to babysit tonight before you even got off the plane. I'm so glad he took her like he has. I was worried if he didn't you wouldn't leave him." She nodded. After everything he had been through in his very short life, she would have never left with with someone who made him the least bit nervous. Ever.

"You are right, Raf. But here we are."

"So ask. Anything, Olivia. Just ask."

"What did you and the DA talk about? You were there for hours."

"Not quite hours but longer than I expected." He walked them over a short stone wall and pulled her down to sit next to him. Barba sighed. "I was expecting this come to Jesus, fire and brimstone conversation. He's famous for those. You know." She just nodded. "But I got there and he set me down and I was so nervous. Being a lawyer - it's all I ever thought I wanted. It is what I gave up everything for. And he called me on that. He came at me sideways. He surprised me. I rarely get surprised these days. I won't go into to the whole conversation. But what it boiled down to was this... I was giving up my entire life for this job. But not really this job. One part of this job. The SVU cases. I was throwing myself into them to the point where they consumed me. I didn't transfer to Manhattan to become consumed. I came because it was supposed to be a stepping stone. It was supposed to shoot me up the ranks. But that path... I stopped walking it. He asked me why."

She didn't even realize she had been holding her breath. She finally exhaled when he locked eyes with her. One tiny word with three letters had the power to change everything. Why.

"How..." she swallowed the lump that was in her throat. "How did you answer?"

"Liv.." he shook his head slightly.

"Rafael. Please. Please."

"The answer scares the hell out of me, Olivia."

"You get scared?" She couldn't believe it. For all his bravado and bluster. Scared.

He turned toward her and covered both of her hands with his. "Yes. The answer to that question is probably the scariest answer I have in my brain to any question I could ever get asked. It makes me nervous and excited and terrified all at the same time. And yes, I get nervous more often than I let anyone know."

"Like when?"

"Every time I open my mouth in a courtroom. It's my job to get justice. That is terrifying. But it is also what makes this job one of the biggest passions of my life. But it's not the only thing. Not anymore. Since Tucker..."

"Rafael, the thing about Tucker..."

"No, Liv. I was being petty and petulant because how could you know. I didn't even know till..."

"Know what, Rafael? Please."

"Know that what is happening between us might just be the most important thing I have ever done. I tried to fight it for months. But then Carisi let slip you and Tucker ended and I just... but there was always a reason. I'll tell her after this next case, I would tell myself in my head. But I also have the world's worst timing."

"The drink offer after..." She just shook her head. "Raf, I'm so sorry..."

"NO!" She kind of sat back a bit. "Sorry. But no. You do NOT apologize for wanting to go home to Noah. I knew he was a good kid but after the last couple of days, I can see how he can brighten this very dark world we find ourselves in most days. You never apologize to ANYONE for wanting to be with him. I will never ask you to and if anyone ever does, you send them right to me." Her heart swelled. He wasn't the only one who had been deflecting and denying feelings and what was happening.

"You still haven't told me the answer to the question. Why?"

"Because... you. It started off as a way to prove to you that I was just as committed to winning these cases as you. But it changed. I don't know if it was fast or slow, but it changed. I wanted to keep fighting these cases WITH you. You have kept me going."

He cradled her face with his hands, pulling her in till their foreheads met. He closed his eyes and just breathed. She did the same.

"Liv, I have no illusions that when we get back to New York that it will be like this. There will be so much bullshit to deal with, assuming I even still have a job when I get back. But whatever gets thrown our way, I know that if we are battling it together then it will be defeated. I have no doubt about that as long as you want..."

"Yes." It was all she could get out before he kissed her. When their lips touched, something they had been holding back broke. What had been a mostly chaste kiss in the hall outside Noah's room at the house was a distant memory. He yanked her to him, almost pulling her into his lap. Thank God it was mostly dark and they had walked out of the light of the patio of the restaurant. This was quickly turning into more than just a kiss. He ran his hand up into her hair and kissed his way down her neck as she held onto him like he was the only thing keeping her on earth.

"Rafael." That came out a lot more breathy than she intended. She felt herself shudder when he growled quietly at the way she said his name. She pulled back and grabbed his face.

"Hey." The look on his face almost made her say screw it and ask him to take her right there on beach. Between the dark eyes and swollen lips, she almost just gave in.

"Call the Uber. We need to get out of here."


	10. Chapter 10

So here's the deal. Not the greatest with the smut. I thought about giving it a go, but decided this story isn't about that. Not for me at least and since I'm the one writing it... But, if one of you amazing PWP writers wanted to write an addendum to this chapter, I will give you all the credit in the world and thank you profusely. You know how to find me.

* * *

"Feel free to take a long way back" Barba said to the Uber driver as they got into the back seat of the car. The driver just smiled at them and nodded. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes as he ran his fingers lightly across her right shoulder. She turned slightly and buried her face into his neck, inhaling slightly. She felt him stiffen slightly and he tightened his grip around her. She rolled her head up and looked at him and he was already staring back at her. Piercing her with those amazing green eyes. Those eyes that battled with her. Fought for what was right in the world. Laughed with her son. Those eyes always had been able to speak more to her than his words at times. He leaned in and kissed her lightly. But she felt him grip her in a way that let her know that it was taking all of his control to not give this Uber driver more than he bargained for when he took the fair.

* * *

They pulled up in front of the house and Barba helped her out of the car, holding her hand tightly as they walked into the house. Ella looked over her shoulder at them as they opened the door.

"Nice dinner?"

"The best" Olivia said, basically sighing her response. Rafael smiled at her and squeezed her hand and walked into the kitchen. Ella got up and started to gather her things.

"Thanks for watching him tonight Ella. I'm not so great about leaving him with people but…" Olivia kind of trailed off, unsure of how to finish that statement.

"He's a great kid. And for what my opinion is worth, Rafael is a great man. You sure did get lucky." Olivia just nodded. She wasn't sure what she had done to deserve all this, but she couldn't agree more. The universe had smiled on her with Noah and then by bringing her and Barba together.

"Well, Noah and I ate just about all the macaroni and cheese you had in the house and ran on the beach until the sun went down. He got a shower and through about 15 minutes of Paw Patrol before he passed out. I'm not sure he's moved since I put him in bed." She said her goodnights and headed out the door.

Olivia sat down on the couch, leaning back, closing her eyes. She felt him sit down next to her and heard two glasses get set on the table. "Ella made us Sangria." She smiled and opened her eyes, lolling her head over toward him. The look on his face… the way he was looking at her. She would see this look pass quickly over his face from time to time, but they never last long and it was gone before she could really register it. But here, now, on this couch, he wasn't even trying to hide how he felt. He leaned back next to her, resting his head on his fist, just looking at her.

"Ella said I got very lucky with Noah. And with you."

"She's got excellent taste."

Olivia laughed. She turned toward him, mimicking his position. He ran his fingers down her arm, resting it lightly over her hand.

"But that word. Lucky. I would have never used that word to describe my life. Ever. Motivated. Crusader. Bitchy. But the way things have gone for me. I would have never said I was lucky in anything. Awful things happen and there have been times I have let them consume me. But then Noah. That boy. He saved me. He changed me."

"I told you motherhood suites you."

"But getting Noah isn't the only thing that changed me. My life shifted entirely the day I walked into the courtroom and you asked Harris if it was bring your daughters to work day… smart ass."

"I will never live that down, will I?"

"Hell no. But you entered my world that day. I have never had an ADA keep me on my toes like you did and still do. I can't imagine trying to do this job without you there. But I think more than that I've decided I'm not sure I want to try doing life without you there either." He ran his hand through her hair and she leaned into his palm. "Yeah. We are easy here. It's paradise. It's relaxed and peaceful. I know life won't be easy in New York. Life is never easy in New York. But you need to know… I'm in. Whatever this is, I'm in."

He nodded and got up off the couch. He dimmed the few lights that were still on and fiddle with the radio until he found some quiet Cuban music. He extended his hand toward her and she grabbed it. He pulled her into him and slowly started swaying them back and forth, her arms around his shoulders, his hands on her hips. They were cheek to cheek with no space between them. She felt him start to hum and just laughed inside when she realized this bulldog of a lawyer and man could also sing. The way his hands felt on her hips, it was like…

"My daydream…" She hadn't even realized she had said it out loud until she heard him chuckle

"What daydream?"

She laid her forehead on his shoulder, slightly embarrassed. "So that night that you had to go talk to the DA. I went home and after Noah went to bed I just sat there thinking about what I wanted to happen. And I had this moment where I could see us together, in a place like this. And we were dancing and it felt just like this."

He pulled back and looked at her, that fire back in his eyes. "Me too." And their last bit of self-control vanished. Who kissed who first would never to be known, but soon he had her pinned to the closest wall, running his hand down her side, to her hip and down her leg, pulling it up slightly. She growled as she felt him and her effect on him. It was intoxicating and sexy as hell. She started to kiss her way slowly down his neck as she moved her hands to the buttons on his shirt.

"Liv" he breathed out and she pulled back for just a moment. The question was on his face. He would never push her any further than she ever wanted to go. He never had and he sure as hell wasn't going to start now. "Liv, I…"

"Rafael, if we hadn't stopped when we did on the beach, I was going to tell you to have your way with me against a palm tree."

He laughed and released his death grip on her leg. She pushed him away slightly and grabbed his hand, dragging him down the hall behind her.

* * *

She bit down on her lip to keep from screaming at the top of her lungs as she felt her release yet again. She had lost count at this point. She was pretty sure he was keeping score but she didn't much care anymore. They had spent hours learning every single part of each other. She dug her nails into his back as he finally gave over to her and collapsed. She kissed his temple and held onto him. He rolled off of her and they both laid there, breathing heavily.

He rolled his head over and looked at her, this beautiful, sexy, feisty woman who had chosen him. He grabbed her hand and kissed it.

"I need a shower."

"I'm totally joining you this time."

"Wouldn't have it any other way, Liv." He said as he dragged her out of bed and into the adjoining bathroom.

After a long shower that used all the hot water and the little bit of energy they both had left, she threw on an old t-shirt and crawled into bed. He stood there, looking at her and started to question what's next when…

"Stop thinking and get your ass in this bed now. I want to go to sleep." He dragged his boxers up his body and crawled in next to her as she flipped off the lamp. He pulled her into him and he fell asleep faster than he ever thought was possible


	11. Chapter 11

He wasn't used to waking like this – slowly, languidly, with no phone buzzing or alarm beeping him out of a somewhat medium sleep. This morning he was slowly coming out of a very deep sleep. A deeper sleep than he had had in quite some time. Maybe since after finals in law school. He rolled his head to the side of the bed and had this feeling like someone was staring at him. He cracked one eye.

"Raf… Raf!" It took him a minute to remember… the Keys… Olivia… Noah…

"Raf. Raf I hungry."

He rubbed his eyes, willing himself to function just a bit more. "What?"

"Raf, I hungry. You get me some food?"

"Noah?"

"Shhh… I hungry and mommy sleeping."

He rolled his head back over to the other side of the bed and there she was… Olivia Benson… asleep. With a look on her face that he had never seen – one of pure relaxation. He found her sexy and frustrating and amazing most of the time, but he's not sure he's ever seen her look more beautiful than she does when she is asleep.

"I never see mommy sleep. So shhhhh." He looked back at the little boy and for a second, started to freak out in his head. Noah woke him up. As he slept next to his mother. And he was just looking at Barba like it was the most normal thing in the world. Barba wasn't sure if that should scare him or if it was the universe's way of saying 'wake up dipshit… here's your life now that you are finally willing to look it in the eye'. But Noah stood there, looking at him like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Ok little man. Ok. You head out to the kitchen and give me a minute, OK?"

"Raf. We get donuts?" Noah smiled brightly at him and he knew he was being played. And strangely, he was ok with it.

"Ok. Ok. We can walk down and get some donuts. You need to go get dressed? Go back to your room and pick out some clothes and I'll be right there." Noah nodded and tip toed out of the room, looking back to give Barba the universal 'be quiet' sign and pointed at Olivia. He nodded and looked at her as he pushed himself out of bed. He was all in. Whatever that meant. Wherever this lead. He was all in. And apparently, right now, it was leading to donuts with a 3-year-old.

* * *

Olivia stretched her arms over her head and reached out, feeling an empty side of the bed where she knew he was supposed to be. She looked over and the door was shut, but she could hear a quiet murmur coming from the front of the house. She pushed herself out of bed and just stared at the clock – 9:15. She can't remember the last time she ever slept that late. Ever. Maybe after graduating for college. Once. She had always been the early bird. She padded into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked at the shower and thought back onto the night before and laughed to herself – no wonder she slept so long this morning. She saw the linen shirt he had been wearing the night before still on the floor in the bathroom. She grabbed it and held it up to her nose – it was him and he was everywhere and she was ok with that. More than ok with that. She knew the path would be rocky. Hard. They would fight – it is what they did. But more now than ever, she planned to still be squabbling with him at 85.

She made herself presentable and headed out to the living room.

"Mommy!" They were sitting on the floor in front of the TV and Noah turned toward her and she laughed. Chocolate all over his face and eyes bright from morning sugar. She looked over at Barba and he just shrugged as he got up off the floor. Noah turned back to the TV as he walked over to her.

"I may have been played this morning" he said, placing his hands on her hips, pulling her into his body.

"May have been played? How many donuts did you buy?"

"A dozen."

"And how many have you let him have?"

"Three."

"Oh joy" she said, smiling at him, resting her arms lightly on his shoulders. She glanced over at her son, but he was too involved with the latest Bubble Guppies to pay them any attention. She felt Barba place a light kiss on her neck and she sighed.

"Liv, last night was…"

"Yeah" she breathed out. She tightened her arms around his neck as he dug his fingers into her hips. She closed her eyes as he lightly ran his lips up and down her neck in a maddening, slow fashion. He slowly wrapped his arms around her waist and proceeded to…

"BUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE GUPPIE GUPPIE GUPPIE!" They both looked over to see Noah jumping on the couch, singing along to the theme song of the show. She looked back at Barba.

"We are going to have to get him out of this house to burn off some of that donut energy" she said, giving him that 'don't worry you will learn' look.

He looked out the back door at the dark skies. "It's supposed to rain most of the day."

"Well then you better get creative Counselor. You created this monster" she said, giving him a quick peck on the lips and heading to the kitchen for coffee. He looked back at the boy jumping on the couch and pulled out his phone.

* * *

He ran his fingers through her hair over and over again, enjoying the feel of her laying against him, relaxed and at ease. After a full half day of indoor activities, Noah had finally passed out and they came out here to lounge in the oversized chair, listening to the rain fall. He knew she wasn't asleep, but she was at rest, arm thrown around his waist, head on his shoulder.

"This may just go down as one of the most perfect moments in my life."

"Yeah?" he asked. "How so?"

"I can't remember the last time I just laid around on a Wednesday afternoon, listening to the rain, while a handsome man slowly plays with my hair. This is pretty perfect." He smiled and pressed a light kiss to the top of her head.

"You often find yourself in a tropical locale with an adoring man who can't keep his hand off of you?" She looked up at him with look of pure love. His heart beat double time in that moment.

"No. Never. Don't really plan on it again unless the man is you." She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him with abandon. They were lost to each other in that moment. With the rain beating down and everyone in doors, it was like they had the world to themselves. And they planned to take full advantage of it. She threw her leg over his waist, straddling him. He ran his hands up the back of her shirt, thinking he would never tire of the way her skin felt on his hands. With some minor clothing adjustment, they were joined together, looking at each other. While last night was about them, learning about each other, cementing what they had been walking toward since he shook her hand in that courtroom, this moment was about conveying to the other that this was it for each of them. He kissed her intensely as they fell over the edge together, just like they always had.

* * *

"I don't like the idea of you being here alone" she said as she threw some popcorn in her mouth. After Noah got up from his nap, they had spent the afternoon and evening watching movies. It was a popcorn for dinner kind of night, as they sat on the couch behind Noah watching Sing.

"Worried that this handsome man is going to have all the ladies of the Keys banging down his door?" She threw popcorn at him, which he promptly picked up and put in his mouth smiling.

"I'm serious, Raf."

"Me too, Liv. I thought I was going to have to put up a sign, saying…"

"Ass."

"Mommy!"

"Yeah. Watch your language." She glared at both of the men in her life.

"Plus, I'm not going to be alone. Mom flies in about two hours after you all take off on Friday." He wrapped his hand around the back of her head and pulled her in for a quick kiss. "But I love the concern that you have for me, Lieutenant. Makes me almost think you are going to miss me." He shifted over to her, nuzzling her neck with his nose.

"I might. A little bit."

"Just a little bit?" he said softly, kissing her under her ear.

"Ok. Maybe more than a little bit" she replied. He dropped one last kiss on her cheek and sat back, pulling her into his side. Noah looked back at them and crawled up on the couch, plopping down on the other side of Barba. He threw his arm around the child and felt his heart swell as the little boy snuggled into his side. ' _This is what you fight for from this moment on_ ' he thought to himself as the three of them sat there as a small, dare he hoped family, unit. He did agree with her earlier statement. This moment in time would always rank in his top 5 moments of his life.


	12. Chapter 12

So, I've decided that Lucia Barba is like the greatest person on earth and I hope that someday we may see her again.

* * *

They spent the next two days not focusing on anything but the three of them, but before she knew it, they were back in the car, headed for the airport. She leaned her head back and gripped his hand tightly. He got them parked and unloaded from the car and he held her hand just as tightly as they walked into the airport. They turned toward each other and Barba opened his mouth when…

"Oh good. So, I don't have to call you now". His eyes widened and he looked over Olivia's shoulder to see his mother walking toward them. "Now why are you already…" she slowed up as Olivia turned to see where Rafael was staring. "Oh. Ok." His mother smiled slightly and crossed her arms over her chest.

He sighed and dropped Olivia's hand. "Mom, what are you…"

"I got an early flight. So…" she kept smiling as he leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Lieutenant Benson, correct?" She asked, giving her son a quick hug.

"Please, Mrs. Barba, call me Olivia."

"Well, it would seem that you should call me Lucia then" she said, looking back and forth between the two of them. "I now I understand why you didn't want me to come earlier than today, Rafi." He ran his hands over his face while his mother laughed. Then she noticed the little hand holding on to Olivia's.

She knelt down and looked him in the eye. "And you are…"

"I Noah."

"Well, Noah. I'm Lucia. I'm Rafael's mom."

"Raf's mommy?"

"Yeah. That's me."

"Like this my mommy?" he asked pointing up at Olivia.

"Exactly like that." She stood up and held out her hand to Noah. "I have an unopened bag of pretzels in my bag. Would you like some?" He nodded wildly and walked over to where Lucia had left her bags. Olivia just laughed and pulled Rafael's hands off his face, linking their fingers together, pulling her closer to him.

"Hey."

"Liv, I'm so sorry. She wasn't supposed to be here for another few hours and.." She quieted him with her lips on his. With his hands still wrapped around hers, he looped his arms around her back and deepened the kiss. She felt herself control slowly start to fade away when she heard an announcement over the loud speaker and remembered where they were. Barba must have remembered at the same time because he ended the kiss just about as she was going to.

"Raf, please… I think your mom is fabulous."

"She is smiling at his. Widely. While Noah sits on her lap. I'm never going to hear the end of it. No. Really. She's here for a week and you and Noah are all she is going to want to talk about."

She ripped her hands out of his and wrapped them around his shoulders, hugging him tightly. He hugged her around her waist and sighed into her neck.

"I'm going to miss you too so much, Liv."

She pulled back and looked him in the eye. "Raf. We are going to miss you so much. Especially Noah. He has officially become your number one fan."

"And you?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows.

"Raf, I… I can't even…" she sighed. He could see a war waging behind her eyes. "Raf, the truth is leaving you is one of the hardest things I've done in a long time. Coming down here I had questions about what this was and now that I'm leaving I know that…"

"Know what?"

"That I love you." The smiled that spread across his face was maybe one of the most amazing things she has ever seen from him.

"Liv, I love you too. And that boy over there, with my mother. He's amazing. Thank you for bringing him into my life."

They just smiled at each other until Rafael glanced over her shoulder at his mother and Noah. "FYI. I'm fairly sure she's helping him make a Christmas list." Olivia laughed and released Barba to look back.

"I'm seriously never going to hear the end of this."

Olivia just laughed as they walked over and gathered up Noah and the rest of their bags. They made their way through security and Barba felt part of his heart walk through that security gate. He covered his heart with his hand and when she turned back to look at them, she did the same. He blew her kiss and watched until he could no longer see them.

"She's more beautiful than I remember from that day at the courthouse" his mother said from behind him.

"She might just be the most amazing woman I have ever laid eyes on. And she loves me" he replied, turning to look at his mom. She smiled and rested her hand on her son's cheek. He helped her pick up her bags as she looped her arm through his.

"Now, you are going to tell me everything about Olivia and Noah and why you were trying to keep me from that adorable child."

"Mom..."

"You will need to give me her number. When I get back to New York that boy and I are starting Spanish lessons."

"Mom!" he yelled at her as they walked out of the airport.

* * *

She collapsed on her bed, exhausted from a day of travel with a slightly pissy 3-year-old who was blaming her for ripping him away from his new best friend. Her phone buzzed in her hand and she looked at the screen, smiling. She accepted the video call request and flipped over, resting her head on her hand.

"My mother has been relentless!"

"Well if it makes you feel better, Noah is currently not speaking to me because halfway through the flight he realized you weren't with us and is currently blaming me."

"Family."

"Yeah, no kidding." She sighed and rubbed her eyes.

"You need to get some sleep" he said, laying back against the pillows of the ottoman on the porch.

"Is that the ocean I hear in the background?"

"Yeah. My mother finally stopped asking about you and Noah. Mostly because she wanted to take a shower, but still… I took my chance and went to hide out here."

"I miss that sound. And you. But mostly the ocean". He laughed as she winked at him.

"God damn, Liv, I miss you two being here so much. I turned on Bubble Guppies this afternoon just because."

"It happens."

"Liv…" he trailed off just looking at her on his screen. "Liv, I… I just…"

"Raf. I know. But you will be back in… 15 days… so…"

"You counted?"

"For Noah."

He just nodded and smiled. "Well, tell Noah that I also counted too. For his sake."

"I will. I better go, Raf. I've got some stuff to do tomorrow and Lucy is going to take Noah for a few hours so I can run to the office…" She saw a look come over his face. "What?"

"I can just feel this slipping away a little, Liv. I wish we could just…"

"Rafael Barba. Don't you do this to me. We got this. You and me. You and me for Noah. You and me AND Noah. I don't care where we are. We. Got. This."

"I love you" he replied. Her face softened and he wanted to grab her and kiss her for a ridiculously long time.

"I love you too." She pressed a kiss to her fingers and pressed them against the screen. He did the same.

"Get some sleep, Liv. I'll call you tomorrow and we can…"

"Are you talking to Olivia?" he dropped his head as his mother yelled from the house.

He watched her start to laugh, throwing her head back. "Your mom is amazing. I'm so looking forward to getting to know her."

"Get some sleep, love."

"You too. I'll…" she glanced at her screen. "Uh… Raf… did… is there a chance your mom is texting me?"

"I'm going to kill her" he growled out. They bid each other good night and he got up to have yet another conversation with his mom about how his phone is off limits.


	13. Chapter 13

Finally! I had to split this in half to even get it to upload. And in this chapter, I give you Fin and Rita. Thanks to everyone over at Tumblr for that idea. I love it. Almost done.

* * *

She was thankful for the quiet Saturday morning. It was still early enough that anyone who might be coming in to do exactly what she was – catching up on paperwork – weren't here yet. Her goal was to get in and out before most people came in today. It was going to be a beautiful day in the city and she was hoping to bribe back some of Noah's love with the park and ice cream since he was still mad that Barba wasn't there this morning. She sat down at her desk and looked around. It felt very different than it did when she left a week ago. Or maybe she was the one that was different. Nothing around her had changed, but she felt lighter, more energized, more focused. She smiled to herself. Clarity will do that to you. She booted up her computer and zoned in, determined to get in and out as fast as she could.

* * *

Fin smiled when he saw the door to her office open. No rest for the wicked. He dropped his coffee on his desk and leaned against her door jam.

"You look tan. Rested. Refreshed."

"I am all of those things and a bit more" she said, taking off her glasses and looking up at him.

"So that… trip… was good?"

"I hate you." She laughed and nodded.

"How is he?"

"He's… he was so different down there. It was so different. Amazing. But different. I hope that…"

"Liv, can I be honest with you for a minute?" he sat down in one of her chairs.

"Please."

"You two are cut from the same cloth. I always figured you two would either kill each other or…" he just trailed off.

"I hate you."

"You already said that." She threw a wadded-up piece of paper at him.

"Liv, is it worth it? You think this is worth fighting for?"

"I told him I love him."

"And did you mean it?"

"Yes."

"Well then that's all that really matters, right? The rest of it is just bull shit and at this point in our lives…" she just nodded. She didn't even need him to finish that sentence. He had been with her forever. He had been with her through it all. Fin had her back. Always had. Always would. She would always do the same for him. He shot her back a quick smile and got up, heading for his desk. She watched him pause in the door.

"Fin?"

He looked over his shoulder at her. "I'm meeting Rita for a drink tonight. That's not weird, is it?"

Her eyes shot wide. "Calhoun?"

"Yeah. She was in here a couple of days ago dropping something off and I was in here and we started talking and it just…" Olivia held up her hands. "Fin, I am the last person to judge. Anyone. You like her?" He just nodded. "Then go with God." He let out the breath he had been holding and smiled back at her.

"So, dating lawyers…"

She shook her head and slipped her glasses back on. "That was a stupid rule anyway. I'm a moron." He laughed and walked back to his desk.

* * *

The quiet courthouse unnerved most people, considering most days it was loud and chaotic. But she found it peaceful. Almost zen-like. She was just dropping off some paperwork for the upcoming week on her way home. Wanted to make sure it was at the top of someone's list first thing Monday. She was looking at her phone, checking to see what Lucy and Noah were doing, which is how she completely missed him sitting there.

"Lieutenant." She turned to see the DA sitting on a bench, paperwork on his lap, drinking coffee.

"Sir. I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there."

He looked around. "I love a quiet courthouse. It is nice to get out of my office and look at something different. Can't do this during the week."

"I can't imagine anyone being able to do anything considered work during the week." He shifted some of the papers over and she took that as an invitation to sit down with him. She hadn't had too many run ins with him over the last few years (thank God) but she had been around long enough to know him and how he operates.

"So, what bring you here on this beautiful spring day, Lieutenant? I figured you would have been out with your son?"

"Just trying to get a jump on the week, Sir, since I was…" and she trailed off, looking at him.

"Ah. Yes. I thought I had heard something in passing last week about you taking an actual vacation. Good trip?"

"Yes sir" she said slowly. "My son and I had a great time."

"Go anyplace interesting?"

"Florida" she replied, hesitantly. He just nodded and turned back to her paperwork. She took that as her cue to leave and as she stood up, he asked "How is he?"

She whipped around and faced this man. Barba's boss. The big fish in their small pond. The decision about 90% of what happens in her cases comes down to this council, his advice, his thoughts. He's not dumb. She thought about lying to him for a split second but knew he would call her on the carpet before the words finished coming out of her mouth.

"He's good, sir. Relaxed. Spending some time on him. He started running again. He's been spending a lot of time on the beach. His mother is down there with him now."

"Good". She just looked at him as he looked at his paperwork. She wasn't sure what she had expected to happen by being honest. But a one word response was not at all on her list.

"Sir, if I could ask. Have you…"

"I have not. I am going to have to see him with my own eyes before I can make a decision like that." And with that, he turned all his focus back to his work. She left him. As she walked out into the sun, she looked up and just sighed. And hoped.


	14. Chapter 14

WELCOME HOME BARBA! And welcome back Lucia. I love you.

* * *

It had been a week. That's for sure. This awful case they caught on Monday had about sucked up all her time and energy. She had barely had time to talk to him on the phone at all. He gave her some advice and seemed more than understanding. And a little jealous. This was a case he would want to be right in the middle of. The ADA covering for him was fine, competent, but in no way Barba. Everyone in the squad had commented on it. Like she needed one more reminder of what it would be like to try to do this job without him. No thank you.

She was banging out some reports as her phone vibrated across her desk. She grabbed it and looked at it with a confused look on her face. It was a text from him and it only read "I'm sooooo sorry!" She was about to type out a reply when her phone rang.

"Hey Lucy."

She heard Noah yelling something unintelligible in the background. "Uh… Liv… sorry. I know you have a killer case right now but…"

"What is he yelling?"

"Ok. So that's the thing. There was a knock on the door and you know how it's his favorite thing to do right now? Well he got to it before me cause I was in the bathroom and he started just screaming 'see-a, see-a' and when I got out there she was giving him a huge hug and had like 10 grocery bags with her and…"

"Who?"

"Yeah. So, she introduced herself to me as Lucia Barba and said to call you and see what time you were going to be home for dinner."

His text suddenly made a ridiculous amount of sense.

"Um.. Liv… Barba… is that the ADA's…"

"Mom. Yeah. His mom."

"She's making dinner and I'm not going to lie… it smells amazing." Liv just laughed. After listening to him talk about all her questions about her and Noah this last week (and one short conversation where she answered the phone for him) she wasn't too terribly surprised. She started to grab her stuff.

"Lucy, tell her I'm on my way."

"Liv, she told me I could leave if I wanted but I won't if…"

"Thanks, Lucy. But it's fine if you want to head out early. Noah is the Barba family number one fan these days."

"Yeah, boy is he still mad at you for not bring Mr. Barba back".

"He's not the only one" she muttered under her breath as strode out of her office, hitting end on the call and bidding her staff goodnight.

* * *

She was fairly sure her apartment had never smelled like this before. Ever. Homemade food and laughter coming from the kitchen was new. Not unwelcomed, but new. She saw Noah and Lucia sitting there as Noah inhaled a huge plate of…

"Carnitas. The boy has an appetite for the Cuban food apparently." Lucia rubbed her hand in his hair as he smiled and took another bite that was too big for his mouth. Olivia put her stuff down on the couch and leaned over the small bar where he sat eating.

"Mom, See-a made dinner. Then she promise me bubble and Raf story!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"Olivia, I know I kind of barged in here but after talking to my son all week, I just… I'm sorry if I overstepped and…"

Olivia held up her hand. "Lucia, thank you. This was sweet. Completely unnecessary but sweet."

"Cooking. It's my thing. I overcompensate with food at times. You will have leftovers for days." She took Noah's empty plate and placed it in the sink. He reached out for her and she scooped him up. Just like he did in Florida. She put her hand over her heart, willing it to not beat right out of her chest.

"There is food on the stove. Please. Raf said you got a rough case. Sit. Eat. I'll give that little man a bath and I brought on of Rafi's favorite stories from when he was a kid to read to him. If that's ok." Noah leaned over and gave his mom a hug and kiss and then leaned back onto Lucia's shoulder. That was all the answer Olivia needed.

"Thank you."

* * *

She was just finishing up the last of the dishes when Lucia finally emerged from Noah's bedroom.

"He's a master procrastinor."

Olivia nodded as she pulled out the new bag of coffee. "That he is."

"Rafi was the same way" she replied, sitting on the couch. "He would do everything in his power to stay up till his eyes couldn't take it anymore. Always afraid he was going to miss something. The amount of Cubano hexes my mother put on him…" Olivia made the coffee as she heard Lucia sit on the couch behind her. She made two cups and sat on the other end of the couch. Olivia could keep up with the best of them – criminals, defense attorneys, judges… but Lucia Barba was actually making her slightly nervous.

"Like I said, Olivia, I hope I didn't step over any lines tonight. The way my son spent all week talking about you and that little boy… I knew I had to come here as I was flying back yesterday. I had to see for myself."

"And…" was all she was able to choke out.

"Olivia, that little boy is nothing short of amazing. Rafi told me a little bit about how he came to be here and it broke my heart. Shattered it. But you picked up his pieces and put him together and…"

"He saved me too."

"Rafi said the same thing." Olivia nodded, looking into her coffee cup. She had been doing well, keeping those feelings at bay this week but sitting here with his mother, her heart started to hurt because of how much she was missing him.

"He had the same look on his face this week when he thought I wasn't looking" she said, pointing at Olivia's face. "You two really are something else, that's for sure."

"Lucia, I…" but she didn't know what to say. Again. A Barba had her at a loss for words. This had to be a damn record.

"Olivia, I'm going to leave. But know this. My son has never looked at anyone the way he looks at you. Never. He has never talked about anyone the way he talks about you. And I'm not talking about last week in Florida. I'm talking about the 4 plus years before that. I thought he was crazy, transferring to Manhattan. Insane. I kept asking him why. And then he told me he was prosecuting that awful man that used to be on TV. And again, I asked him why. And slowly you were the conversation. I don't think even he realized it until a few months ago. I never said anything because you know him. You try to tell him something he can't see for himself… well, it's like talking to a wall." Olivia just laughed as a tear slid down her face. When the hell did she start crying?

"He loves you. He has for a while. But he's just now realizing it. I mean, I knew that day in the courthouse, but you two… stubborn as mules. I knew it just by looking at you. You do drive him crazy. But in a way that makes this mother's heart sing. So, this dinner was a thank you."

Olivia nodded and grabbed the woman's hand as she stretched it out to her. She had no words. Lucia squeezed her hand and got up to leave. Olivia finally was able to put one foot in front of the other as she headed toward the door. Lucia turned around as she opened it.

"Rafi was right about one thing… Noah works his way into your heart faster than anyone else. I would love to spend more time with him if you are ok with it."

"Lucia, I think that would be amazing."

"Fantastic. I'll have him fluent in Spanish in no time." And with that, Lucia gave Olivia a wave goodbye and was out the door. Olivia just stared at it for a moment, wondering how she had failed to notice that Lucia Barba had started to make them part of her family. Olivia fished her phone out of her purse and called Barba.

* * *

She was pacing. And checking her phone. And pacing. And checking her text. Then her email. For several reasons.

First was the warrant. They close one case then another drops on them. And this perp was slippery. She wanted the hard copy in hand when they went to pick him up. No mistakes. By the book.

The other was him. He was supposed to be back last night but a terrible storm got him stuck in Charlotte when his connecting flight got canceled. He was supposed to meet with the DA first thing, but the last she heard was a text from him before the sun came up saying he got the first flight out to LaGuardia. Nothing since then. She wasn't sure if he made it back in time, if he was trapped at LaGuardia, if he was packing up his office. Nothing.

She stalked into her office to check her email on her computer (cause phones have been known not to work) when…

"So, do you all want to do something with this or am I supposed to just stand here and look pretty." She flew to her door and there he stood, in his full ADA Rafael Barba way, warrant in hand, smiling at her. It was all she could do to keep herself from flying across the room and throwing her arms around his neck. She took a moment to compose herself as the rest of the squad welcomed him back. Carisi and Fin took the warrant from him and headed out to make the arrest as Rollins prepped the interrogation room.

He strolled over to her, standing a bit closer than he did the last time they were here together.

"This is going to be fun" he said, sliding his eyes over to her. She shot him a look. "The case, Lieutenant. The case. I'm going to enjoying nailing this guy's ass to the wall."

"God, I missed you" she replied, struggling to not reach out and grab his arm. He nodded and retrieved another envelope from his briefcase. "This I was told to bring directly to you."

She opened it and scanned it. "What?"

"Well, it would seem the DA took it upon himself to draft a form for us. We are in this weird spot where it's kind of a conflict and kind of not a conflict so he wanted us safe. He told me you are the one he likes."

"You told him that…"

"I didn't have to. He said he ran into you and just knew. He told me to thank you for saving my job and my social life and handed me the warrant and told me to get to work. So, I plan to thank you, but that will be much later tonight."

"It's going to be a long day" she sighed out.

"No kidding. But at least we're doing this together. Like we were meant to." She couldn't help herself. She reached over and squeezed his hand very quickly. "Let's do this" he said, winking at her.


	15. Chapter 15

And this is all I wrote. OMG all of you all who have read this (and those that will) thank you. It's been an age since I have written and what was supposed to be a one shot became my longest story ever. All you sweet reviewers are the reason. My goal was to get this done before the show came back from break. I love a happy ending and I love wrapping things up in a bow. Since we don't get enough of that in our favorite shows, it is the least I can do when I write. Like Ben and Leslie or Josh and Donna, all amazing couples deserve to be together. Thanks for reading friends.

* * *

She whipped her head around at the knock on her door. She smoothed down her hair and looked quickly in the mirror before opening the door. There he stood. It had been weeks since they had been this close and it was a drug she didn't realize she was missing. Tie off, suit jacket over his arm, sleeves rolled up, smiling at her.

"I brought a bag. Hope that wasn't too presumptuous" he said, smiling and waggling his eyes at her. She started to reach out for him when

SLAM. She barely had time to get out of the way and he barely had time to drop his bag as Noah slammed his bedroom door against the way and flew through the apartment, launching himself at Barba. Barba scooped him up and Noah wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Noah."

"Raf! Raf!" he yelled into his neck. Liv watched at Barba carried him into the apartment, kicking the door shut.

Rafael sat down on the couch, trying remove Noah's arms from around his neck. That just made the little boy hold on tighter.

"What's wrong amigo?"

Noah pulled back to look Barba in the eye. "You not come back with us."

"No. I am sorry about that. Your mom told me you were upset." Noah just nodded, looking down at his lap. "Well, I am sorry you were sad I wasn't here. What if I tell you that I was really upset to not be with you to." Noah looked up at him, eyes wide.

"You miss us?"

"So much, Noah. So very much." Noah wrapped his arms back around his neck, laying his head on Barba's shoulder. Olivia pointed to toward his bedroom. Barba just nodded and carried the half asleep child back to his room. Olivia cleaned up, just trying to keep herself busy, trying not to think about when he walks out of that bedroom.

But he did. She just clasped her hands and watched him move around her apartment like it was second nature. Why had she wasted so much time?

"I've been asking myself the same thing" he said as he slowly walked toward her.

"I said that out loud."

"You did" he nodded, reaching out to her, pulling her into him. "Hi" he whispered, kissing her softly. She gave herself over to him. He pulled her onto the couch, deepening the kiss.

"So that bag you brought…" she said softly as he kissed his way down her neck. He laughed and stood up, pulling her up off the couch and toward her bedroom.

* * *

She laid there, holding her breath, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes. She slid her eyes over to look at him, but he had a pillow over his face.

"Um…"

"Ignore that. No. Don't. I just… shit."

She rolled over and took the pillow off his face. "Raf. Look at me." He opened his eyes slowly and propped himself up. He finally met her eyes and what he saw there was unexpected, considering how those words just fell out of his mouth.

"So what if I said yes."

* * *

6 MONTHS LATER

He took in a deep breath as he looked at the ocean. He could make fun of him and his friends with yachts all she wants, but it pays to have friends in high places on a day like today. Sure, proposing to her in the middle of the night after several rounds of amazing sex wasn't ideal but then again, nothing about them had ever been conventional. No one was quite sure how to react when a week later they invited all their friends to a small dinner and announced that not only were they together, but were engaged. Except Lucia. She knew exactly what to do. And she did it well. Very few people even blinked an eye. It was like everyone was just waiting for it to happen.

"Barba, you ready?" he heard Rollins ask from the other side of the door. "Yeah, come on in Amanda." She opened the door and gave him a low whistle. "Nice suit counselor." He took one last look in the mirror.

"We matching Raf!" Noah yelled as he ran into the room. This was the one thing Liv hadn't gotten to be a part of. Amanda just nodded. "She is going to approve of this. And wait till you see her. Don't pass out." Rafael grabbed Noah by the hand, smiling down.

"You got everything?" Amanda yelled over her shoulder. He patted the right side of his jacket and felt the rings. And he patted the left side of his jacket and felt the paperwork in there that was going to be his gift to Olivia and Noah after the ceremony, making this family 100% official and nothing anyone would ever take away from him. He nodded and smiled at Noah.

"Yes I do."

He stood there, with the ocean at his back, hand over his heart as she walked toward him and Noah, looking more beautiful than he thought was possible. When she saw her men standing there, matching and smiling, she placed her hand over heart and stopped for a moment. Her life turned out to be more than she ever thought possible. She walked up and handed her bouquet to Amanda, grabbing his hands.

"Let's do this" she said, ready to jump forward. With him.


End file.
